How I Learned to Trust God

Anyone who has had trauma is leery of people and I had a lot of it. God is not people. God is loving, and merciful. Do you know the Hebrew word for mercies is rachamim. It translates endless Mercies....Mercies as far as the East is to the West. There is no East West Pole it just continues on & on...Wow right?!?!?! Glory to God.

I was anxious from the trauma that I suffered as a kid, then I was given a second heaping dose from a "Community" and I use that term lightly. I had healed so much over the years from scars but we have cell memory and because of that things not only got triggered that caused severe panic for me, my children who had no trauma started to experience PTSD and panic attacks. "Community"? debatable. Thank God for God! Thank God for Rachamim and Thank God for healing which he has done. They have no clue what is means to be a community and in fact, they gave my family PTSD and we had to go for therapy. What they didn't know was that God wasn't going to let anything happen to us, yes we suffered a lot but we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

This Is Where My Relationship with the Lord Became Strong

There’s a moment in every believer’s life when their relationship with the Lord goes from a distant faith to something deeply personal. For me, that moment came through trials that stretched my faith and tested my trust in God. But it’s through those moments that I learned to lean fully on Him and trust His promises.

One scripture that has always resonated with me is this:

"God is not a man, that He should lie,Nor a son of man, that He should repent.Has He said, and will He not do?Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?"— Numbers 23:19

It’s easy to say we trust God when things are going well, but when life takes unexpected turns—when loss, pain, or confusion hit us—trusting in something we can’t see with our eyes becomes a real challenge. Our minds become clouded with doubt, and our hearts can feel heavy. But it’s in these moments that we need to trust the character of God even more deeply.

I want to be clear about something: I love my dad. He wasn’t perfect, but he’s in heaven now. I’ve forgiven him for anything that happened between us, with God’s help. This post isn’t about him or my mom—it’s about the journey of forgiveness and healing I’ve walked through.

I loved both of my parents, and though my relationship with them was complicated at times, I’ve forgiven them fully and I honor them as my parents. My mom’s story is another one entirely, and while I don’t want to dive into the details of that, I will say this: I loved her, and I know she loved Jesus.

They passed away 18 months apart, alongside my grandfather. That season of loss could have been overwhelming, but God granted me supernatural peace in the midst of it. And for that, I’m incredibly grateful.

Healing and Restoration

The Lord has done a deep work of healing in my life—healing from brokenness, regret, fear, and even anger. And I’m thankful because those experiences, though painful, have shaped me into a better person—a better friend, mother, wife, and most importantly, a woman who knows how to love herself.

Jesus showed me how to love myself. He taught me how to forgive, even when people hurt me deeply, and He taught me how to love others the way He does. Through all of this, I’ve learned that loving like Jesus isn’t easy, but it’s what we’re called to do.

I’ve needed Him every single step of the way, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

A Powerful Encounter with the Holy Spirit

There was a pivotal moment in a therapy session that I’ll never forget. My counselor said the Holy Spirit wanted to speak to me, and I was open to hearing what He had to say. What I heard was profound and life-changing: “I’ve always been with you. I never left you.”

That hit me deeply. I had never shared this with anyone, but for years, I’d wondered if God had forgotten about me. I didn’t fully understand who the Holy Spirit was or His role in my life. I’d thought God was angry at me, and I felt the weight of fear that I was headed for hell.

And this might offend some, but I was raised Catholic, and I came to understand that, according to the Bible, you must be born again. I now believe God’s Word to be true, and I am born again in Christ.

The Betrayal of a Community

I’m also going to share something raw and real. I’ve walked through betrayal, pain, and injustice at the hands of people in a community I once called home. They stole from me—$2,404.87 in beach dues, to be exact. At the time, my heart was filled with anger and resentment. But with God’s help, I forgave them.

This group went around the law, tried to take my home, and even attempted to have my husband arrested based on his past—something that was illegal to do. The level of dishonesty and cruelty I witnessed was staggering. But here’s the truth: they are lost. And what’s even sadder is that they are missing out on something far greater than they can imagine.

The Bible says, “You reap what you sow.” And I’ve watched their lives unfold in a way that makes that verse ring true. Their actions have led to their own downfall.

Living Blessed, Not Perfect

As for me and my family, we’re not perfect. We face challenges just like anyone else. But I can honestly say we are blessed—blessed going in and blessed going out. I’ve seen the Lord’s hand of protection and favor on us, even in the midst of struggle.

Glory to God!

Through every trial, every loss, and every moment of pain, God has been faithful. And He’s done a work in me that I could never have imagined. He’s shown me His love, His mercy, and His grace, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

So, no matter where you are today—whether you’re struggling to trust God or facing hardships that feel overwhelming—remember: God is with you. He will never leave you. His Word is true, and He is faithful to fulfill every promise He has made.

This Is Where My Relationship with the Lord Became Strong

There’s a moment in every believer’s life when their relationship with the Lord goes from a distant faith to something deeply personal. For me, that moment came through trials that stretched my faith and tested my trust in God. But it’s through those moments that I learned to lean fully on Him and trust His promises.

One scripture that has always resonated with me is this:

"God is not a man, that He should lie,Nor a son of man, that He should repent.Has He said, and will He not do?Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?"— Numbers 23:19

It’s easy to say we trust God when things are going well, but when life takes unexpected turns—when loss, pain, or confusion hit us—trusting in something we can’t see with our eyes becomes a real challenge. Our minds become clouded with doubt, and our hearts can feel heavy. But it’s in these moments that we need to trust the character of God even more deeply.

I want to be clear about something: I love my dad. He wasn’t perfect, but he’s in heaven now. I’ve forgiven him for anything that happened between us, with God’s help. This post isn’t about him or my mom—it’s about the journey of forgiveness and healing I’ve walked through.

I loved both of my parents, and though my relationship with them was complicated at times, I’ve forgiven them fully and I honor them as my parents. My mom’s story is another one entirely, and while I don’t want to dive into the details of that, I will say this: I loved her, and I know she loved Jesus.

They passed away 18 months apart, alongside my grandfather. That season of loss could have been overwhelming, but God granted me supernatural peace in the midst of it. And for that, I’m incredibly grateful.

My Encounter with the Supernatural: Deliverance and Healing

I was saved around the age of 17 (I honestly forget the exact age). My family was dealing with things that no one should have to experience—things that made my skin crawl. We had demons in our house. Yes, demons—fallen angels who were cast out of heaven with Lucifer. And all kinds of crazy, unexplainable things were happening. I remember being told to cast them out in Jesus’ name, so I did.

I’d seen things that terrified me, but there I was—too old to be scared but still a child at heart, wishing for the comfort of my mother’s presence. I can still recall the late-night moments when I’d walk into her room, and she’d be watching TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network). Though I was older and thought I didn’t need my mommy anymore, I now wish I could have her back to comfort me through those times.

One night, I walked in and saw a pastor on TV. I didn’t want to be scared anymore, so I prayed the prayer he led. What I realized that night was powerful: the demons were still there, but they couldn’t terrorize me anymore. I didn’t understand everything, but I didn’t care. The name of Jesus was so powerful that it made demons tremble—and that was enough for me.

The Battle with Panic and the Healing Power of the Holy Spirit

As I grew older, I faced struggles that left me feeling utterly hopeless at times. I would suffer through multiple panic attacks, some lasting for days. During this period, I felt completely overwhelmed and trapped. But despite the fear, I heard a voice say seven times, “Go back to church.”

I had been raised in what I’ll call a “snoozy” kind of church, where expectations were low, and experiences were even lower. To be honest, I wasn’t too excited about going back to church. I thought it was boring. What I really wanted were supernatural experiences with God—something deep, something real. I wanted to feel His presence, to experience His power.

So, I went to a non-denominational church one Sunday morning. To my surprise, it was amazing. I started hearing the Holy Spirit speak to me in ways I’d never experienced before. I began to really connect with God on a deep level.

Regeneration: The Power of Being Born Again

I had hung out with some rough people and seen things that would make most people run. But as I encountered God in a personal way, I changed. I mean, I changed drastically. So much so that I had to look up what was happening to me. It’s called regeneration. When you come in contact with the one true God, you are changed. You become a new creation.

I was so happy, so free. God supernaturally healed me of the panic attacks. I started soaking in sermons, just drinking in everything I could about Jesus, because honestly, He is just that amazing. You can’t help but love Him, and He wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept reminding me that I was His daughter, and He loved me.

For a long time, I didn’t really get it. I couldn’t worship like others in church. I felt disconnected at times, but I knew deep down that God wasn’t giving up on me, so I shouldn’t give up on Him either.

Learning to Hear the Holy Spirit

I eventually realized I had gifts that had been with me my whole life. I’d been hearing the Holy Spirit all along. It’s like tuning into a radio station. You just have to learn how to listen. And being born again, having that intimate, personal relationship with the Creator, is unlike anything I can explain. It’s not just a belief or a religion—it’s a living connection with God.

I started practicing what I call “soaking in the Holy Spirit.” I’d find a quiet spot, lay down, and meditate—not the type of meditation that leaves your body (because that’s satanic), but one where I focus on Jesus. I picture us walking together on the beach, hearing the waves, smelling the salt air, and just being together. He kept calling me His daughter, over and over.

Then, I watched a Steven Furtick video, and something clicked. He explained what being a daughter of God really means. That wasn’t my video, but it was a powerful moment that helped me see what God had been saying to me all along. Even when I was running, Jesus kept pursuing me. He loved me when I felt unlovable. He kept calling me His daughter.

Glory to God!

Through every trial, every loss, and every moment of pain, God has been faithful. And He’s done a work in me that I could never have imagined. He’s shown me His love, His mercy, and His grace, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

So, no matter where you are today—whether you’re struggling to trust God or facing hardships that feel overwhelming—remember: God is with you. He will never leave you. His Word is true, and He is faithful to fulfill every promise He has made.

Watch this Sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick-It helped me and It can help you too.